Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
