1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
