I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
