Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
