okay pat passed out under dana's car
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
