he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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