I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
