Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
