dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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