No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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