I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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