I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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