Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
