The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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