We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
