I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
