Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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