I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
