I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
