She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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