talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
