if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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