Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
