I think I died a long time ago.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
