I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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