ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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