Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
