If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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