I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
