Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
