wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
