ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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