I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
