I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
