dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
