A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
