hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
