He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
