People in love make me want to vomit
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
