So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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