i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Farmville is her only friend.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
