I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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