There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
