i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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