the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
