I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Swine flu is the new snow day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
