You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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