im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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