You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
