This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
