I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
