Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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