I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
