it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
