i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
