Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
