Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
