He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
